Letter from a married man to a would-be married man !!!

Dear Ambarish (& Hemangi),

You would wonder why I have mentioned Hemangi’s name in bracket. But there is a definite reason-which you would come to know by the end of this letter…

When I came to know that you were going to get married on 30^th May.. I wondered-Why on earth on 30th May? These days it is an in thing to get married on some fancy dates.. For example- 10/10/10 or 12/12/12 etc.So you could have easily chosen 11/12/13 as a date for your marriage. Or people prefer Valentine’s Day or any national holiday so that the marriage date is remembered not just by all others but by the couple as well ! But why 30/05/2013 ? Apparently, there is nothing unusual about this date… Then it struck to me that it happens to be the date of your grandparents-Tatyamama & Mami’s wedding… So you would want your marriage to be on that day..30^th May is special also because it’s birthday of Manisha (your maushi) … 

 Oh.. & then it suddenly clicked.! It is also the day on which I got married to Vrinda ! So in one masterly stroke, you have put the ball in my court.. So now it becomes obligatory for me to share some of the lesser known secrets of my marriage..With 15 years of experience at my hand, here I am giving you some useful tips…You can call this a self-help guide.. Or this could be like Chetan Bhagat’s articles in TOI-which can fix any problem in the world so easily. Very soon I  too intend to write a best-selling book on this topic.

First & foremost- the shopping ! Wherever you decide to stay- whether in Mumbai, Coimbatore or any other place, there is always going to be some place like what we have in Pune- Tulshibag! Going to such places, I tell you from my experience, is nothing short of a punishment.(Except of course for the eye-catching beauties!) But you have job at your hand- you have to carry the shopping bags & that too in a crowd which is so busy in shopping that it doesn’t care if you are able to walk properly or not ! If you take my advice, try & find excuses to avoid going to such places- say that there is not enough place for parking, the police vans pounce upon your vehicle or something like that! This will not work for quite some time… You will have to go..But don’t lose patience! Avoid any stand-off  but still persist with your stand ! Once your resistance gets registered, a time will come ( der hai par andher nahi!) when either she will go herself for shopping all those womanly things or she will ask you to park your vehicle outside such shopping area & she will come back (hopefully) fast..

While we are still on shopping, let me tell you - set an example..How? Whenever you have to shop for yourself, take her along with you, go to a specific shop, ask for a specific colored shirt, make payment & leave.. All this in just 5 minutes ! You know what will this make? In words of famous Hindi cricket commentator, Sushil Doshi- it will build a mano- vaigyanik dabaav on her.. Now  the onus will be on her to shop with such a precision of a surgeon & also finish it fast ! This will also raise the bar- she will find it difficult but she will have to learn to speed up the things when it comes to shopping. You will save one topic of argument as your actions have already spoken louder than words ! 

And when you go with her in a mall for shopping (like D Mart), then I wish you all the very best ! I bet she will be lured & tempted not by exorbitantly priced  branded apparels or foot wear (thank God!)  but by discounts on Liberty oils, Bombino Sevai & Surf Excel! So you would end up buying 10 items which you had not thought of buying at the outset. Shopping in a mall could be a boring exercise. But while your wife is busy shopping, you could create your own image  ( for other wives to see, little bit enviously) of a very choosy, responsible & duty bound husband by scanning aimlessly the gehu or dal or picking randomly the biscuits which you are not going to buy.. After all, what matters is perception !

Now for some other important things in life than shopping (are there any?)…

Keep in mind one thing- there cannot be any argument when it comes to Pani-puri, Sugarcane juice, Vada-pav & Kanda Bhaji…. The most unhygienic roadside vendor will easily beat the choicest hotel in your city. Which simply means she will not have any problem after having eaten in such chaupatis & small food joints. But she might have GI upset after a dinner in a posh hotel! Why ? You cannot reason out ! In fact, the next tip is try & find out such points & issues which you can’t reason out & argue.. As the time goes on, you will find out that  this list will keep on growing !

Now sample this-

1   1) Favorite director- Yester years- Gurudutt Padukone. Current- Mahesh Manjrekar/ Madhur Bhandarkar.

2   2) Favorite actress- Yester years- Urmila Matondkar. Current- Deepika Padukone/ Amrita Rao

F   3) Favorite Cricket player- Yester years- Sunil Gavaskar. Current- (obviously) Sachin Tendulkar

4   4) Favorite Author- P L Deshpande, Ravindra Pinge

5   5) Favorite Poet- B.B. Borkar, Mangesh Padgaonkar

6   6) Favorite Hotel- Any Kamat

No… this is not some kind of a couples’ game where I am telling you how I know what my wife likes..  Take a closer look.. What do you find? There are many ‘kars’ in the list..( I suspect the reason why Vrinda said yes to me was probably because we are Pusal’kar’!)  But that’s not the main point..The point is all the people from the list are GSBs (Gaud Saraswat Brahmins) –the community that Vrinda belongs to ! So there is this natural tendency to have a bias towards them..So  any new movie of Mahesh Manjrekar is fit to be sent for Oscars…Sachin Tendulkar can do no wrong.. Madhur Bhandarkar’s films are the best thing to have happened to Bollywood… The bigger point is find out if your wife too has similar list.. You can score few brownie points by talking positive about the people in her list. In any case, avoid talking negative about them.Tread cautiously ! If there any negative markings in relationships, you would end up getting many such points !

Then there are some universal truths which can also be termed as cliches.. They hold true always.. One of them is that whenever there is an argument between you & your wife, there are only 2 possibilities- either she wins or you lose ! But even in this, I can give you some useful tip.. Always have some evidence with you.. This is an era of evidence based practice.. So keep the evidence handy.. It could be – On this & this day when we were discussing this… you had worn a black dress.. we were returning from a movie... it was raining… you had said that & now you are saying exactly the opposite! There is no guarantee that this will help you win, but what this could do is create some kind of confusion in her mind..She will be forced to look in to all the evidences rather than continue with her point ! That would help deflect the subject for a while. This is nothing short of a moral victory!

Well, I could go on & on.. but if I spill all the beans here, who will buy my book & read? How will it then be a best seller? I have given you some useful tips.. Now it is up to you to show the letter to Hemangi & share the secrets!That is why I have addressed her name in brackets.

Anyway, Congratulations to both of you & I am sure that both of you (with some help of my tips) are going to have a Happy Married life.

With love & best wishes,

-Rajesh Mama

मानसीच्या सत्कारानिमित्त राजकीय पुढारयाचे भाषण !!!

(आमची मैत्रीण मानसी हुलसूरकर (इ. बारावी),मागच्या वर्षी स्कॉलरशिप मिळवून जर्मनीला गेली होती त्यावेळी मी हे लिहिले होते.) 
कल्पना करा.... मानसी जर्मनीला जातेय म्हणून तिचा एक जंगी सत्कार होतोय आणि या कार्यक्रमाला एक राजकीय पुढारी आणि त्यांचे सेक्रेटरी येतात. असे कार्यक्रम म्हणजे पुढाऱ्यांसाठी पर्वणीच असते हे वेगळे सांगायला नकोच ! तर या नेत्याने काय भाषण केलं, कशी फटकेबाजी केली याचा हा सविस्तर वृत्तांत-

सर्व उपस्थित माननीय बंधू आणि भगिनींनो,
आज या ठिकाणी आपण मानसीताई जर्मन या ठिकाणी जाणार म्हणून त्यांचा या ठिकाणी सत्कार करण्यासाठी जमलो आहोत..    मला या ठिकाणी यायला थोडा उशीर झाला कारण ठिकठिकाणी फ्लेक्स लागले आहेत. त्यात माझा फोटो १० फूट आणि मानसीताई यांचा फोटो अर्धा फूट लागला आहे. त्यामुळे माझ्या कार्यकर्त्यांचे सारखे फोन येऊ लागले- मनासारखा राजा आणि राजासारखे मन असलेले, आमचे मार्गदर्शक.. आमचे आधार कार्ड... सॉरी.. आमचे आधारस्तंभ.. आम्हाला न सांगता जर्मनला चालले? असं कसं ? त्यांची समजूत काढता काढता इकडे यायला उशीर झाला..असो.

आज आपल्यात आमच्या मंडळी नाहीत......म्हणजे तशा त्या आहेत... पण हितं नाहीत.. त्या असत्या तर त्यांनी मानसीताईना परदेश प्रवासाचे सल्ले दिले असते.. पण त्या सारख्या म्हणत होत्या.. किती उकाडा हाये पुण्यात ! म्हणून त्यानला कांद्याचे भाव का पडतात या समस्येचा अभ्यास करण्यासाठी न्यूझीलंडला पाठवला.. म्हणजे तिकडे त्या बी खूष आणि इकडे... असो..

मानसीताई जर्मनला चालल्या हे बेस झालं. त्यानला आमच्या शुभेच्छा हायेतच.. पण नुसत्या कोरड्या शुभेच्छा नाहीत हा.. आमच्या त्यांच्या कडून खुप- खुप अपेक्षा बी हायेत... खुद्द शिवाजी महाराजांनी म्हटलंय - करावे पर्यटन... (सेक्रेटरी नेत्याच्या कानात पुटपुटतात- अहो ते करावे देशाटन असं आहे आणि ते शिवाजी महाराजांनी नाही ...सेक्रेटरीचे बोलणे मध्येच तोडून नेते माईक चालू असताना नेते बोलतात-) काय बिघडलं आम्ही महाराज म्हटलं तर? आमच्या प्रत्येक भाषणात एकदातरी त्यांचा उल्लेख येणारच! आम्ही पुढे काय म्हणतो ते महत्त्वाचे! हां... तर (सेक्रेटरी कडे छद्मीपणाने बघत)- करावे देशाटन... आणि शिकावे मलेरियाचे उच्चाटन ! (सेक्रेटरीचा चेहरा अगदी पाहण्यासारखा) नेते सेक्रेटरी कडे बघत म्हणतात- नाय नाय आम्ही काय बी चुकीचं बोललो नाय..म्हणजे असं- तुम्ही देश सोडा.. पण जिथं जाल तिथं देशाचा विचार सोडू नका.. आपले प्रश्न, आपल्या समस्या एक वेळ देशात राहून समजणार न्हाईत.. पण देशाबाहेर गेल्यावर कळतील. आपल्याकडे समस्या तरी किती? एवढी वर्षं झाली, सगळ्यांनी गप्पी मासे पाळले.. पण हिवताप गेला का? न्हाई ना? हां ...तेच म्हणतो.. तर त्याचा अभ्यास करा.. टन- टन गहू का सडतो? महाराष्ट्रात दुष्काळ का पडला? प्रश्न तरी किती? आत्ता परवाच आमीरखान कडून कळलं- स्त्री भ्रूण हत्या का काय ते.. आम्हाला माहीतच नव्हतं ! पण असं कसं होईल? आमचा पक्ष एवढा महिलाभिमुख, आम्ही एवढे महिलाप्रिय नेते तरी हे असं? तर याचा अभ्यास झाला पाहिजे..

मानसीताई जर्मन या ठिकाणी जाताहेत.. त्यांचा आदर्श ठेउन आणखी काही महिला जातील. नाही.. चांगलंच हाये ते.. मी तर म्हणल अशा हजारो- लाखो महिलांनी जावं.. मागे मीच म्हणालो होतो- एक मुलगी शिकल तर देश शिकल... तसंच हाये हे- एक मुलगी देश सोडल तर आख्खा देश देश सोडल... तुम्ही म्हणाल हे कसं ? अहो ...मुली जातील.. तर त्यांच्या मागं मागं पोरं बी जातीलच ना? एवढ्या मुली जातात तरी कुठं हे बघायला? मग पोरं तिथं गेल्यावर त्यांची काळजी घ्यायला आम्हाला बी जावंच लागनार.. आपल्या सांस्कृतिक परंपरा तिथं कोण बघणार? दहीहंडी झाली, गणपती झाला, नवरात्रीचं तोरण हाये.. हे सगळं कोण बघणार? त्यासाठी जर्मन मध्ये आमच्या पक्षाची शाखा झाली पाहिजेले...सगळ्या पक्षांची गावोगावी शाखा आहे.. पण जर्मन मध्ये हाये का कोणाची? 

तर माझी मानसीताई यानला विनंती आहे की त्यांनी तिथं जावं आणि (सेक्रेटरीना विचारतात -कोण हो ते त्यांचे प्रमुख- Anjelo Mathews ? सॉरी ते तर आईपीएलचं बेनं हाये ... मंग अंजेलिना जोली ?.. सॉरी सॉरी .. ती तर हिरवीण ना ) हां तर कोणीतरी मरकळ बाई हायेत त्यानला भेटावं आणि आमच्या पक्षाची तिथं शाखा काढता येईल का हे विचारावं...
मानसीताई यांचं मी पुन्हा एकदा कौतुक करतो.. आज मला बहुमोल सल्ला देण्यासाठी इथे बोलावलं म्हणून आभार मानतो.. हां .. मानसीताई यांना परीक्षेत घवघवीत यश मिळाले..... (सेक्रेटरी म्हणतात-अहो रिझल्ट लागायचाय अजून) का तुम्ही सारखे मला मधेच अडवता? आता ज्या ताई जर्मनला चालल्या त्यानला मार्क भेटणारच ना चांगले? मग? तर त्यांचे अभिनंदन! आणि मी माझे दोन शब्द संपवतो.. जय हिंद.. जय महाराष्ट्र !

Amaar Tagore…

 

I don’t really remember since when did my fascination for Rabindranath Tagore begin.The earliest I remember is when we had been to Kolkata to spend our vacations at my maternal uncle’s(Mr. Y.M. Deosthalee) place. That was way back in 1980. He had been posted there. We were in all 15-16 guests. It was one of the most memorable trips that we have ever had. 

One fine day, the elders announced that they would be going to Shantiniketan & children would not be going as they would get bored there. I don’t know for what, but I had thrown one of my biggest tantrums then & had succeeded to get an entry for myself for the trip. What could a 10 year old child have known about Tagore or Shantiniketan? Was it because elders were going for trip by train & leaving us in the confines of the home that I forced my parents to take me along? Or was it that I, like Rabindranath Tagore, shared the dislike for conventional school (the reason for me not liking the school was entirely different… Well that’s another subject & beside the point!) , that attracted me to go & have a look at other innovative method of education? I would be lying if I say it was the latter.

Nevertheless, it was a good cause to throw a tantrum for! Even after so many years, I still have vivid memories of our visit. The 4 hour long train journey through the interiors of W. Bengal,  the greenery, the village landscape, paddy fields, many water sources-lakes, ponds & rivers.  And of course the place itself!  If you want to experience the word serenity, you could visit Shantiniketan. The canopied trees, the Quiet & calmness were more pronounced after the experience of hustle & bustle of Kolkata.  A perfect setting & atmosphere for learning –in the lap of Nature! Unfortunately there was no class going on. So we could not actually see the famed scene of a teacher & his disciples learning under a tree.

 

We also visited the museum (? Uttarayan) -where personal belongings of Tagore were on display. As a memorabilia, I had purchased a statue of Tagore made of Tera kota type material.  It was really nice. But somehow that statue got damaged during our stay at Kolkata. For me, at that age, it was a prized possession. That I had to throw it off left me really sad & dejected.

Then through the books written by Marathi authors like P.L. Deshpande (Ravindranath: 3 Vyakhane & Porvai) &  Ba. Bha. Borkar- (Anandyatri Ravindranath- Sanskar ani Sadhana) the greatness of this legendary Sage unfolded. How many facets can a person have? A sensitive poet was, I think, his core. A love for Nature & also the Child in him always remained alive. Music, painting, novels, theater, dance, education… You name it & he has contributed to these fields leaving his long lasting & classical impression. Truly a versatile artist who expressed through so many different & diverse forms! I think his pioneering work in the field of education, his penning of our national anthem & coining of the term Mahatma for M K Gandhi were more than enough contributions to India! By winning Nobel Prize for literature, he truly became the pride of India.

The stories written by him were with so much of a visual imagery that  many movies were based on them- Kabuliwala, Khudito Pashan, Ghare Baire, Char Adhyay & more recently- Chokher Bali & Noukadubi  to just name a few. 

Balraj Sahani in film Kaabuliwala 

He portrayed simple yet likeable characters, set in familiar time & circumstances that anybody could identify with strongly. Commemorating 150^th birthday celebrations of Rabindranath Tagore, Govt. of India in association with NFDC came up with a pack of 6 DVDs title Tagore Stories on films. It is indeed a collector’s item…

Here is a link to the song penned by Tagore & sung by Kishore Kumar from the film- Ghare Baire. Interesting to note is that there is absolutely no orchestra in the song-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIMVrHSW4so

There is also this sweet song, penned by Rabindranath Tagore, from the film Charulata sung again by Kishore Kumar-
https://www.google.co.in/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=2&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwi90Njls9DTAhULuI8KHWcaAN4QtwIILTAB&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D_HinFn8DWSo&usg=AFQjCNHPwVeNGlgZMFF4-huWDiLAv_RUrg&sig2=WEQX_DQ3rR7A0-LC_YIgqg

Though this cannot be an excuse, I must say that since I do not know how to read Bengali script, I have had to depend either on authors who have written about him in other languages or on films with English subtitles to understand his work. But the volume of his work is so immense that I don’t claim I know him even one percent. Though I wish I could know him more.

But above all, I think he was a trinamool or poet at grass root level. I can cite 2 examples for this.  One of my cousin sisters has married a Bengali person. Once they had come at our place for a stay over. I noticed that my Brother-in-law would sing for his toddler son a peculiar song which was of only 2 lines. But what rhyming lines were they! –‘Jol pade, Pata nade’ -that’s it. He would then repeat the lines- by joining with- Ae ae ae.. Simple lines with such a visual experience associated with them. These were the initial lines modified & simplified by Tagore from Ishwarchandra Vidyasagar’s Varnamala- which had a complex classical touch to it. Another example is more recent- we watched the movie Kahani in a theater. At the end of it was the song- Ekla chalo re- sung by Amitabh Bachchan.

 That in itself was a pleasant surprise. Behind us was an ordinary looking Bengali family. They had tears in their eyes while leaving the auditorium & had the poem by heart. They too were singing it. My heart was really filled with joy-Even after 72 years of his death; Rabindranath Tagore still lives on in the minds of the people.What more would a poet want than his verses being sung not just by classes but by masses as well!

Here is the text of the poem in Bengali first & then its translation in English-

(Jodi tor daak shune keu naa se tobe ekla cholo re
Tobe ekla cholo, ekla cholo, ekla cholo, ekla cholo re)2

Jodi keu kothaa naa koye, ore ore o abhaagaa, keu kothaa na koye
(Jodi shobai thaake mukh phiraaye shobai kore bhoye)2
Tobe poraan khule (o tui mukh phute tor moner kothaa, eklaa bolo re)2

Jodi shobai phire jaaye, ore ore o abhaagaa, shobai phire jaaye
(Jodi gohan pothe jaabaar kaale keu phir naa chaaye)2
Tobe pothera kaantaa (o tui rokto maakhaa choronatole eklaa dolo re)2

Jodi aalo naa dhore, ore ore o abhaagaa, aalo na dhore
(Jodi jhor-baadole aadhaara raate duyaar deye ghore)2
Tobe bajraanole (aapon buker paajor jaaliye niye ekalaa jolo re)2

English translation-

If they answer not to thy call walk alone

If they are afraid and cower mutely facing the wall,

O thou unlucky one,

open thy mind and speak out alone.

If they turn away, and desert you when crossing the wilderness,

O thou unlucky one,

trample the thorns under thy tread,

and along the blood-lined track travel alone.

If they do not hold up the light when the night is troubled with storm,

O thou unlucky one,

with the thunder flame of pain ignite thy own heart,

and let it burn alone.

Here is a link to this song sung by Kishore Kumar-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pmzvr3aZXQc